30 years ago. How things have changed… 30 years ago was the being of the revolution of me! 1987 was a fabulous year for me where I outgrew the inwardly shy, bookish pre-teen and became a p0pular, still a little nerdy, ‘world is your oyster’ teen! Yes, 30 years ago I was thirteen years old and I was making waves. I was the Form Captain of my class, my beautiful best friend showed me what true friendship was all about, my best friend’s family showed me what it was like to be in a truly loving family, and I discovered that boys actually liked me. 30 years ago was the year I met Jon Bon Jovi on Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet tour. 30 years ago I took my violin playing more seriously and joined a local orchestra (where I met my first love!). 30 years ago I taught myself how to play the guitar. 30 years ago I had my first pop star crush in Noiseworks’ Jon Stevens. And 30 years ago, I got straight As on my report card and I got the one and only present I have ever received from my father – a scientific calculator.
1987 was a fabulous year for me where I outgrew the inwardly shy, bookish pre-teen and became a p0pular, still a little nerdy, ‘world is your oyster’ teen! Yes, 30 years ago I was thirteen years old and I was making waves. I was the Form Captain of my class, my beautiful best friend showed me what true friendship was all about, my best friend’s family showed me what it was like to be in a truly loving family, and I discovered that boys actually liked me. 30 years ago was the year I met Jon Bon Jovi on Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet tour. 30 years ago I took my violin playing more seriously and joined a local orchestra (where I met my first love!). 30 years ago I taught myself how to play the guitar. 30 years ago I had my first pop star crush in Noiseworks’ Jon Stevens. And 30 years ago, I got straight As on my report card and I got the one and only present I have ever received from my father – a scientific calculator.
1987 seems so far away now, yet like it could have been yesterday. As a thirteen-year-old, world events were remembered as ‘which celebrity died’ and ‘what songs were out at the time.’ Music was my life 30 years ago, and there was no time for world events or any other major issue, as let’s face it, being thirteen, is a fairly selfish time. So in saying that, with a more mature head on my shoulders now, can you believe 30 years ago the world stock market crashed – the crash that took the flamboyant 80s into interest rates of 20-per-cent. Australia lost 41.8-per-cent off the share market, which could have been the reason why my already thrifty parents threatened my existence at the time…
Looking at http://www.thepeoplehistory.com/1987.html, there are many things that are coming back. Margaret Thatcher became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. What we would now call ‘terrorism’ happened in the capital of Sri Lanka, Colombo, where the Tamil Tigers planted a massive bomb killing 100 people. And talking about terrorism, the IRA were terrorizing Ireland and the UK and Sikh terrorists target a Hindu bus in India killing 72. (really, when are we going to learn that religion is the resounding force behind the wars and hate in this world?).
30 years ago, Lethal Weapon came out in the movies, Fatal Attraction scared the living daylights out of me, Lionel Ritchie’s Can’t Slow Down cassette was the only pop music allowed to be played in my mum’s car and we all fell in love with Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Wall Street and Gordon Gecko possibly predicted what the end of 1987 would be like, Michael Jackson came out with the BAD album and I loved learning about Ritchie Valens and the fate of the last flight with the Big Bopper and Buddy Holly in La Bamba. And we were introduced to The Simpsons!
But to really rock your socks off… Prozac was first listed as a drug in 1987, the first criminal was convicted using DNA evidence, the Chunnel work began linking France and England, and, disposable contact lens came on the market.
We have come a long way since 1987 – one of the few years that will go down in history for defining who I am… a year that is predominantly happy memories and realisations. What year would be the year that defined you?
I’m a bit of a fan of emojis, but I get a little confused sometimes if I’m using the right one. So I’m guessing, if I am getting a little confused about what the emoji faces actually mean, then others do too. And who knew that there was a subliminal meaning behind some of the food items in the emoji ‘hall of fame?’ Maybe emojis need some explaining…
OK, we all know the safe emojis – smiley face, sad face, crying face, and the winking face. But some of the faces seem to look more evil than happy… like grinning face with smiley eyes that look like a gritted teeth smile 😁 http://emojipedia.org/grinning-face-with-smiling-eyes/ And how do you get ‘mutual best friends’ out of the smiley face with cool sunglasses? 😎 http://emojipedia.org/smiling-face-with-sunglasses/
The more I look into this, the more I feel I’m confused. How does a kissing face with a loveheart 😘 mean less than a kissing face without one 😚? Apparently, the kissing face with love heart is just blowing a kiss, whereas the kissing face with closed eyes is more intimate.
Now why is there a ‘face without mouth’ emoji 😶, but ‘pouting face’ which I would refer to as something like ‘not fair in a cheeky way’, is printed as 😡 in the emoji dictionary of comical faces? Looks like bursting with anger, rather than a bit of playful ‘not getting your way’ banter. Apparently, ‘face without mouth’ is a silent emoji and will keep all your secrets.
There are even twin faces that have completely different meanings… there’s the pensive face 😔 (what went wrong?) and the relieved face 😌 – eyes the same, but I can see that the eyebrows slightly different. When you’re in a hurry trying to get the message across, you can see how they could be easily confused and send the wrong message. Grimacing face 😬 and grinning face with smiley eyes 😁 can send the wrong meaning too if you’re in a rush.
The one thing I really don’t get in the emoji world is all the different cat faces. Why would they have cat faces without dog faces? Seems a little prejudiced towards cat lovers than dog lovers, to me.
Only after watching an episode of James Corden’s The Late Late Show, did I realise that the eggplant 🍆 is considered the phallic emoji the peach 🍑 is considered the butt/bottom emoji, and anything from the tulip 🌷, to a pussy cat 🐱, the taco 🌮 or the praying hands 🙏 can be unofficially deciphered as a ‘vagina.’
So, there you have it… a crash course on emojis that you had no idea about, because they are so Gen Y, and we are so Gen X!
Well 2016… what can we say? You’ve been a mighty big rollercoaster for many in their own microsystem, but an even bigger rollercoaster on the world stage. So many talented people gone, so much upheaval in world politics, so much unnecessary destruction…
For me, I can’t say it was all bad. 2016 created some momentous learning opportunities, lots of realisations, some heartfelt losses and the understanding of true friendship. The essence of great friendship is what 2016 will mean to me. My friends have been there for me more than any other year this year – through good and bad. I had shared some amazing times with some beautiful people who have made me truly happy. Always there to laugh, sing, cry, hug, confide in and be silly.
I guess my biggest learning curve throughout 2016 was how much I learnt about myself. The more I learnt about myself, the more I accepted myself, therefore my friends accepted me more because I was fighting less with myself.
So what’s in store for Suzy J Brown in 2017?
Well I will kick the year off with the Fresh New Suzy! My new blog ‘Single, Sassy and 40-Something’ – giving us 40-somethings some positive insights into being a better you, by learning from others, appreciating the simple things in life, and letting go of all the angst inside to bring out the light in you. I will interview different women who are inspiring, uplifting and understanding of the varying roles women need to play today to be successful in the various worlds we live.
One piece of food for thought that I would like you to think about is how 2016 and the years prior have moulded this current generation. This YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HK97VG-m3W0 gives us some profound insight into how we do things and how we have impacted social media and the sense of entitlement onto our kids. I plan to make some of the subtle changes it suggests to improve my kid’s lives, because I know my job is to prepare them for the big bad world, and they are getting closer to becoming independent and deep into it.
So, so long 2016, welcome 2017, and I look forward to providing some fabulous ideas and inspiration, warmth and friendly banter into your lives, and hopefully a new novel.
I was reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s discussion this morning about ‘doing good’ or ‘feeling free?’ And it conjured up all these emotions in me… She’s right… just because you are doing good in this world, doesn’t mean that you feel free in your body, in your heart or in your soul. There are a whole lot of emotions that make you feel trapped in a world you can’t call your own when you’re ‘doing good’ because in effect, you are doing good by everyone else and not yourself.
I’ve always tried to ‘do good’ but somehow, I’ve always got hurt or taken advantage. Hurt by family and friends, taken advantage of work colleagues, family, friends, kids, charities, the public, etc. And for all that I give in this world, I will be honest, I struggle with the fact that I may only get about 20% back. And that’s a hard fact when you keep soldiering on, day in day out, with no break from the pain in your heart, or the pulling and prodding that people and circumstances do to you. And whilst I am ever so grateful for the beautiful things in my life – my children, my dog, where I live, my lake house, my travels, my experiences, and some dear friends, and I know I am lucky and rich in so many ways, the hardest thing for me to accept is that I have no one to share my life with. It’s lonely being a single mum, when you have no one to talk over things with, no one to cuddle up to watch a movie, no one to give you that sense of relief that someone has your back when you need it. There’s a hole in your heart when there is no intimacy. I don’t have family as a back up, or a father for my children who wants to be a willing regular participant in their lives. It’s just me – raising my children and my fur puppy, working 2 self-employed jobs where most your days are on your own, and maintaining 2 homes.
I have all these dreams and aspirations to feel free, but right now I feel stuck. Stuck with being good but knowing at the same time I’m hurting myself. I’ve exploded to the size I was when I first left my husband, I’ve tried to be recognised for my writing talents (or maybe there isn’t a talent), my kids are hitting that teenage time when ‘cheeky’ and ‘defiant’ are the words of the day… And all I’ve wanted is someone to give me a break, and make me feel the big hard bubble in my chest go away.
There’s something to be said about your emotional state and how it affects your physical state. I have spent way too much money this year on shakes, gym memberships and weight loss programs to help me get rid of the excess, but I’ve put on an extra 6kgs instead. I’ve ensured I do 10,000-15,000 steps a day, I’ve been on and off with doing toning workouts, as well as walking 6kms most morning, and none of the weight is coming off. And I know it’s because I feel lumped with not feeling free within myself, that my physical being suffers.
I just know, if I had someone special in my life, someone to take some of my burdens away, someone to make me smile and feel like I belong, there will be a chance for my heart to feel free again. I know I can’t rely on that person, and I need to rely on myself to do it, but our human condition is to know that we belong, and that’s all I ask… to feel free.
The South Island of New Zealand – Last week we came home after having a combined family/adventure holiday in the South Island of New Zealand. We explored a lot of countryside, taking in most of the area south of Christchurch and some along the east coast up to Kaikoura. Our aim was to go over and spend sometime with my cousins who live there, and also do some adrenaline sports, however, due to weather restrictions and some sunburn, we didn’t get too far with the adrenalin sports. Maybe next time. So here is a photo diary of what we got up to and where we went!
Two weeks ago I was finishing what was a relentless year of extreme work hours, some days starting at 2am and finishing around 6pm to make dinner and do things with my kids, yet still getting text messages till as late as 9.30pm, before setting the alarm again for a 2am, 3am or 4am start. Usually I get a welcome rest around June, but it didn’t happen this year. Two weeks before that, I was saying to myself ‘this will be the last of the big weeks’ only for it to happen the following week, and then again the week after. So by the time Thursday November 19 turned up and was over, I was hoping for that sense of relief, but it didn’t happen, because Monday November 23rd had a handful of appointments to attend.
And you wonder what happened on Friday November 20? Well, it was my birthday, a day I traditionally take off as a work-free day to tend to my own wellbeing and celebration of ‘me’, however this year, I moved house on my birthday… well, sort of. I moved from one of the downstairs apartment to one of the upstairs apartment…. and had a housewarming party that night! Yes – I am a glutton for punishment.
Some of you know that I live in an old Firestation building. It is heritage listed, built in 1924 and is renowned for its sympathetic architecture to the residential streetscape. We were living in the old garage part previously, which, as a garage was essentially one big square partitioned into 4 rooms (3 bedrooms and an open plan living space). Now we are in the old offices, residential quarters, with towering 10ft ceilings, magnificent rooms (my bedroom is 5.5m x 4.2m (18ft x 13.8ft) or 23sqm approx) (most bedrooms are around 10-12sqm), a rustic old fireplace, a balcony that captures the sunsets and storms coming in and some really quirky character, like a meat-safe in the kitchen, high skirting boards, distressed solid timber doors with diffused glass panes and cute cottage style sash windows with the original glass panels in them. And the funny thing is, for me, it felt like home as soon as we moved in. I absolutely love it!
So since we moved in, my world has changed… I can see the sky, the treetops, the clouds, the street activity, so much going on, and it seriously doesn’t bother me hearing the traffic, where in other places, it used to drive me mad. We’re not stuck in the cave with no light that we had downstairs which was starting to drive me a little nuts. My boys and I aren’t on top of each other, and sometimes, I don’t even know if they are home because there are two staircases to exit from (I think we might need to set some courtesy rules), but for now, we’re enjoying our space, our new home and our sense of freedom.
For me, so much so, over the last twelve days, I’ve done things I’ve never done as a single mum. I went to the Paris to Provence French Festival at Como House for a wander around the glorious gardens of this Victorian landmark mansion and enjoyed the fruits and flavours of French cuisine (even bought myself an antique metal pot to plant my herbs in). I’ve gone to a corporate movie night, thanks to one of my clients who wanted to thank their suppliers. I went to a little soiree at a new friend’s house to celebrate her selling her home. I’ve done a ton load of shopping (if anyone knows me, I hate shopping with a vengeance, but for some reason, I have actually been enjoying it, to the point of doing more the next day! Please help my credit card!!). I got my hair done and had a acupressure foot massage (and two other massages, because I can!). I helped collect the materials to make a billy-cart for my boys. I went out to dinner with my gorgeous friends up in Goughs Bay for my belated birthday and enjoyed it alfresco style with the kangaroos watching us. I’ve drunk alcohol every day, I’ve watched movies, including the whole first season of ‘Flesh and Bone.’ I’ve been on beach walks, walks with friends, met some wonderful new people, and tried to write the next riveting chapter of my next book “Calmer Suits Her.”
And today, I went into the city, visited a friend who works at the French shop at the Queen Victoria Market and bought some beautiful delicacies for my Christmas Drinks on Saturday night (as there was a call for another party!). I told her to choose, so she gave me some stunning soft white and blue cheeses, a vintage cheddar, some mini gherkins (I’m sure they have another name), some divine pate, some stuffed figs and some gold wrapped chocolate pears with a healthy dose of liqueur in them. It was so nice seeing the friendly shop owners from their different nationalities, toting their authentic goods, the vibrant bustle of customers wanting to get their favourite cheese or Hungarian salami. The friendships and laughter that have been created over decades in that place was magical to watch… and showed me how sheltered I really have been. After a trip to the market, I took the tram down Elizabeth Street and got off at the Bourke Street Mall, to do some more shopping (shoes this time), and wander down the eclectic cafe strip of Degraves Street and found a cute little ‘Made in Victoria’ shop called Clementines, with a bright orange Vespa out that front, where I bought a charming milk bottle style vase to put on the mantle in my kitchen.
All in all, it’s made me realise how much I’ve been missing out on because I work so hard throughout the year, too busy getting from one place to the next and forgetting about the journey within. Whilst I caught the train into town today, I made a conscious effort not to look at my phone and just enjoy the scenery… and the scenery was people looking down at their phones! lol
Will 2016 be the year that I create time to do things other than work? I hope so… Now that I feel like I have a really city home, as well as my country home, I feel I will most likely entertain more, therefore more trips to the Victoria Market on a Saturday morning! But time will tell.
But for now, I’ve needed these last two weeks to enjoy myself again, enjoy the moment, because in the end, I deserve it… as we all do.
How do you recreate the best version of ourself?
Most of us have had that moment in life where we think, ‘I’d love to go back to when I was XX, life was so good then, I was the happiest I’ve ever been”. So what’s stopping you? You can’t turn back the hands of time or time travel (yet), but you can reinvent that sense of inner happiness in your life now.
The happy you was no doubt the inner you, at a time when life was less complicated and before the challenges of life starting weighing you down. So how do you get back there? Lay the foundations for the best version of you to grow on, here’s a few steps to get you going in the right direction.
First though, ask yourself this question – Would you want your children/loved ones to live this same life. Or would you like something better/happier for them? Lead by example.
Self-reflection means ‘serious thought about one’s character and actions’. When we reach that point in our lives where we aren’t satisfied with life, then that is the universe (or whatever you believe in) telling you that you are ready to make some changes in your life for the better. You can choose to ignore the nudge you are getting, but nothing will change if you ignore it and you will have no-one but yourself to blame. Self-reflection may make you aware of the unconscious self destructive behaviour that has shaped your life. Are you ready to put yourself under the microscope?
“I can’t do it”
“I’m not smart enough to get a better job”
“I can’t leave him, no one else will ever want me”
Negative self talk can also be how we accept compliments. If someone says you look great in that outfit, replying with ‘oh this old thing’, is a form of negative self talk.
The start of finding your inner self is changing how you talk to yourself. Stop yourself before you say something negative. Replace it with something positive about yourself, make it habit to talk yourself up not down. Won’t be long before the negative habit has been replaced by positive self talk.
Did your mum ever say “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”?
To be the best version of yourself you need to get rid of negative talk completely, both from others and from yourself. Remember, like attracts like. You are in control of the type of energy you attract.
Don’t be a people pleaser
If you are a people pleaser, you no doubt put others first. Whilst it’s nice to think of others, don’t allow yourself to become a doormat. People tend to pick-up on your need to be liked and can and will take advantage of you if you allow it. You will be amazed what happens when you put yourself first, you are throwing it out there that you are important and guess what, people will start treating you that way.
Procrastinators sabotage themselves from becoming the best versions of themselves.
When you were the best version of you, were you happy with the way you looked? Did you have long flowing hair or a cute bob cut? Who’s style did you idolise or emulate – was it Elle MacPherson for her natural beauty or Madonna for her contentious fashion? Could you develop a 2016 version of that same style? Do what it takes to reinvent your inner beauty into the person you felt most comfortable with. Your confidence will soar if you feel you are looking your best and after working through the self-reflection, your inner beauty will shine through.
Remember, maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so that you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
Whether you have just started dating, are married or recently divorced and single, being more sexually uninhibited and relaxed about your needs will give you the confidence to expect (demand) fabulous sex.
Did you know that about 15-20% of women have never achieved orgasm?
Growing up in the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s you would have been led to believe (generally speaking) that women’s enjoyment of sex was mostly emotional. To some extent it was I guess. Girl loves boy, wants boy to love her, so has sex. But from most women’s recollection the boy wasn’t all that interested in your orgasm, only his own! And we didn’t know how to ask for it. That was due to a lot of reasons:
Do you recall hearing guys saying things like “nice girls don’t enjoy sex like guys do”. So we were conditioned into believing that if we like sex we must be a slut and if we ask for more enjoyment we are by default, a slut.
And of course if you happen to enjoy sex right from the get go and are pretty good at it, you are probably just naturally gifted and/or confident. But guys don’t tend to believe that, they assume that you MUST have had sex with lots of guys to get that good. Screw you! That’s an insult to say that the ONLY way a girl can be good at sex is because she was taught how to be by a guy.
So what did all those guys do? They married the nice girl who wasn’t sexually experienced, and assumed that she wasn’t good at it because she hadn’t been taught (nice girls haven’t had previous partners). And guess what? It backfired in a big way when they discovered that they now have a wife/partner that isn’t really into sex. Now there’s a glut of 45+ divorced men that are looking for the girl they should have married in the first place – but that’s another story!
It’s Your Decision to Have Sex
You can’t turn it on like a switch. Personally, I’ve always struggled with being business woman during the day, mum from 6-11, then hopping into bed exhausted and flipping the switch to sex kitten. You won’t be into it if you decide to be sexual because your partner is begging you.
Do the Research
Have you ever checked out your lady parts? If not, now is the time. How can you expect a guy to know where to find that sweet spot if you don’t know where it is or what it looks like (or feels like!) Take a mirror and see what’s there. Vagina’s come in all shapes and sizes and to be honest, guys don’t care what they look like when they are lucky enough to see one ‘in the flesh’ so to speak. The major parts are your outer lips, your inner lips and your clitoris. Once you are comfortable with and easily able to have a clitoral orgasm other types of orgasms will be easier to achieve (that’s in the advanced course).
Self-Pleasure Because You Deserve It
You’ve heard the expression “there’s only two types of guys, masturbators and liars”? Well I suspect that’s true. But the same does not go for girls. Lots of girls don’t masturbate. Have never masturbated. Will never masturbate. Why? Who knows, it’s a mystery to me. Perhaps it’s religious or raised by parents that drilled into them that it’s dirty (a lot of women had one of those mothers).
It’s a given that women who masturbate have more sexual confidence. A good place to start is to order a vibrator online and have it sent right to the house. You can get discreet vibrators that come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Or if you aren’t ready to get a vibrator, start with your fingers.
Practice masturbating a few times a week to start. You will begin developing an appetite for being sexual with better frequency if you are being sexual on a regular basis. You will also begin building sexual self-confidence as you learn how your body reacts and what feels good to you. I recall as a new mother I was told “the more your baby sleeps, the more she’ll sleep”. Same goes for sex. The more you get the more you’ll want. You just need to get over the hump (pardon the pun).
When you are confident enough, ask your partner if he would like to go toy shopping together. I bet the answer will be yes, and the rest will be history.
If women watched porn as often as men do, they would have much high libidos. Of course guys watch so much of it when they are teenagers that it’s almost impossible to ‘feed the beast’.
Some women feel more comfortable adopting a persona (Role Play), and if that’s what it takes, great. There are thousands of sites that can give you inspiration. A majority of women I spoke to don’t have time for long porn movies, luckily they plenty of eye-candy tantalisation on their Tumblr accounts that are short & sweet when in need of inspiration.
Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved
Finally, you and your partner are coming at it from different angles so you need to make sure you set the scene to give you what you need i.e. romance. Teach him that the more he gives, the more you will give. It’s a win/win. Tell him to meet you in the bedroom. Have an intimate dinner prepared or a glass of wine first to have some connection to each other.
Great sex creates stronger relationships. If you are both looking after each other sexually, you have much less chance of becoming one of those 45+ statistics.
I’m not talking about women’s versus men’s clothing sizes either. A recent online dating experience has me pondering the question. A guy can ask “What size are your boobs?” and if we are inclined to answer, we can say 12B, 14D, 16DD and they have an instant visual of what they must look like, which is handy for them, correct? Thanks to our bra’s having tags, our size assessment can be verified.
But what about when a woman wants to know what the guy is packing? We can’t see it. It’s not on show like our boobs are. It’s just not fair. Where’s the equality? Have you ever asked a guy how big his penis is? Nine times out of ten you get ‘its average’. Then you get the others that say ‘I’ve never measured it, as long as it works I’m ok about it’. That’s all well and good, but a Mini Cooper still ‘works’ technically, but let’s face it, we’d all prefer a 528i BMW if we are going for mid-sized comfort & a Ford Bronco for good size versus power ratio!
Now imagine if men purchased underwear based on their size. You could stalk the isle of your choice! There could be Training cup ‘A’ for the North Koreans to the large ‘G’ cups for those Congo men. Imagine if we could ask them ‘what size ‘cup’ are you? And even funnier, if the ‘cup’ came padded for those circumcised heads that haven’t got that added protection, kind of like the gel inserts for bra’s. Would they go red faced or see it as a bragging yard stick? The Gods of underwear (and men) wouldn’t allow it. For most it would bruise their ego. But it would be closer to true equality, wouldn’t it? I can just see it now, men buying DD underwear to brag about whilst wearing the B cups in secret.
So I’ve done the research (some of it with willing subjects – wink) to provide you with the facts about ‘what is average’. But first there’s the official word on it:
The average erect penis size for Australian males is 15.7cm in penis length (approx 6 inches) and 13.2cm in penis girth (approx 5 inches) which is the circumference measurement and the true measure for thickness of the penile shaft.
That still doesn’t help does it? What constitutes ‘Australian’? We are a multicultural melting pot that are a genetic mix. And what if they are the rare ‘micro penis’? That can happen in any ethnic group and those poor buggers could have a penis of around 2 inches. Yikes!
Just for the fun of it, I have compiled the list of average size by country with the top place going to Congo at 7.06 inches and in 100th place is North Korea with 3.80 inches. Now we know why Kim Jong-un is such an angry little man!
Apparently there is NO scientific correlation between the size of a man’s hands, feet or height to tell you how big he is. This is grossly unfair! Our boobs are on show, they can ogle them any time they please and decide if we suit their preference for big or small boobs.
However, I have tested this theory over the years and know that whilst the hand size itself is no real indication, there is another measure of the hand that is fairly accurate. Here’s how it works:
Have your prospective lover bend their middle finger (rude finger) down as far as it will reach (see illustrations), then straighten it back to normal position. That distance is a fair indication of length when erect.
Try it out on some male friends, it’s always fun to see them close their eyes and imagine their own penis when hard. The reaction is usually ‘yep, that’s about right’.
So ladies, the options are: 1. Be brave and ask them straight out how big (or small) they are or 2. Do the hand test.
The final word on the subject is: Size DOES matter!