Death, not necessarily a person or living thing, is the end of an era. If it’s the death of a relationship, the death of a family member, the death of a television set. However hurtful it is to part with these relationships (as we all do have a relationship with our TV set!), we all need to accept that what has gone has gone from our lives and we need to re-build and live a better life knowing how well that involvement with that person or being affected us.
So how do we move on? For a family member or friend, it’s interesting how the ‘living’ work. Most will reflect on the good that person brought into our lives – the joy, their loves, their achievements and their passions. For those who were surrounded by love by the deceased person, their life can be in shatters as the dead were the strength behind them and they have no idea how to live without them. The grieving period can be long and drawn out, because they don’t know how to exist without their loved one. For others, after all the pomp and ceremony of a funeral, the ‘unspoken’ comes out, especially if there was a darker side to that human being. Some feel that they are now able to let go of the hurt and secrets that have been weighing them down for years. Some feel that now that that person is no longer with them they can breathe and be the person that they always wanted to be. It’s interesting how one person can cause so much damage to another’s emotional and physical state.
But why do we let this happen? Why do we allow one person to control who we are? Why can’t we physically move away from this person so we can just ‘move on’ and be the person we want to be? Is it a question of family bullying at its best? Sometimes it’s a question of small-town mentality. Prior to the days of planes, trains and automobiles, no one ever really travelled – it was actually called ‘exploring’ back then. We stayed in our little villages, surrounded by family and neighbours who became our family and everyone knew everything about everyone. Some people are still in that vortex, and in fact the social mentality of some countries are the same. For instance, there is a figure that only 37% of the population in the United States have a passport, and only 5 years ago it was 20%. The U.S. Homeland Security used to not worry about citizens travelling between Canada, Mexico or Bermuda to have a passport, but since 9/11, they have made it more stringent for those re-entering the country to have proper documentation. Therefore, some haven’t got the vision to be able to relocate on a grand scale – to the next state or to another country for the sake of growing and reaching their own abilities, so they wait it out, becoming more depressed and unable to function as a family member takes over their lives.
A ‘death’ of a relationship is usually worse than the death of a person, as there is the possibility of always having that person still in your lives for the sake of your children or simply just bumping into them in the street. You can’t seem to get away from that person, as they unknowing to you, keep tabs on you through Googling you on the internet via social pages and other information, they can stalk you, do things to jeopardise your new relationships or you need to still have some type of financial attachment to them for child support, alimony or joint property. You can’t completely get rid of them out of your life unless you disappear and/or create yourself a new identity. Even if you try to move on, they try to maintain some type of contact trying to maintain some control over you. Is there any way, outside of death, that you can move on without your past partner/s influencing the way you live your life? For those who are successful at moving on, they find new and exciting ways to create a future for themselves rather than holding onto the past. They do the things that they always dreamed of doing – traveling, sports, Yoga, trying out new restaurants, meeting new people, learning an instrument – whatever it is that makes them feel ‘human’ again, makes them feel in touch with their soul.
As for the death of an ‘object’, it really does depend on how materialistic you are. Who knows, you might feel better with the upgrade of a new one, or upset that the quality just isn’t there with the newer versions. But then there are tragedies like fire and flood that destroy our photos and sentimental items. As technology advances, more and more people are transferring their photos to digital format, making it easier to store and retrieve photos in times of desperation, but really, in the whole scheme of things, isn’t it the memory of the joy that you received from that object or looking at those photos more rewarding than the actual item? I know everyone is different, but it’s all about perspective… people are more important than ‘things’ and when you see the tragedy in third world countries and the wars in the Middle East and Mexico, then all in all, life really ain’t that bad. If you are at all reading this, you have the access to a computer, you have electricity, heating, running water, food on the table and a means to communicate and most of us have the people we love close to us. Isn’t that something to celebrate?
So for those who have something or someone dying around them, don’t look at the negative of the loss, look at it as an opportunity to gain – a chance to celebrate your own life, celebrate their lives, celebrate who you are and celebrate the time you had together with that person or object. Let go… release yourself from their stranglehold and discover a new and improved you. Learn to love yourself as the person you are, not who you were as a couple, a friendship or as part of a family.