For single mums, it’s a day we all dread. It’s a day that creates conflict for your children, so it’s a day that you’d rather didn’t exist. But commercialism with television advertisements, catalogues and even in schools makes it hard to avoid.
In Australia, Father’s Day is this Sunday. It just also happens to be the one day in the month that my ex sees my boys for seven hours. I wrote their father an email a couple of weeks ago suggesting that if he wants his boys to buy him something at the Fathers Day Stall at school, then he’d better give them some money. I told him the date and what they normally spend. The Father’s Day stall is tomorrow, it’s now 10.30pm the night before, and he has given them nothing. So I’ve given the boys $10 each to buy whatever they want for themselves.
I had a Facebook debate about this with a few friends a couple of weeks back with most suggesting it’s for the boys to care about their father, not about the money and who gives it to them. It was interesting the sides that were forming and who were saying what. The abandoned daughter who calls her biological father a ‘sperm donor’ and her step-father her real father told me to stick to my guns as my boys’ father rarely sees them, rarely calls them and doesn’t want to take any responsibility for them. Whereas, those who are the single mums with relatively amicable relationships with their children’s father say I should teach the boys to be giving to their father, even if he isn’t giving to them. I know my attitude towards their father doesn’t help, but my boys understand who is there for them and who isn’t, and they have formed that opinion in their own accord, as my friend did with her ‘sperm donor’ father.
They don’t care because he has hurt them, and they are at the age where they prefer to buy a present for themselves anyway. They just want to participate and not miss out on what their friends are doing. They usually come home with torches, tackle boxes to put their lego in, a mug with chocolate in it, even a Swiss army alley key set. When they buy for me in the Mothers Day stall, they tell me the thought that they have put into purchasing the gift for me, knowing my favourite scents, flavours and colours, why something would be useful for me, etc. So I know that they are giving thoughtful children, and not always thinking about themselves.
So besides it being the Fathers Day Stall tomorrow, it is also my baby boy’s 8th birthday. It will be interesting to see if their father makes an appearance to give the boys money or wish his son a Happy Birthday. I’ll let you all know tomorrow 🙂