My novel ‘On the Road to the Best Orgasm Ever’ is a spiritual romance in finding oneself and one happiness through all the turmoil and tribulations that life offers. It was amazing researching it at the time, but life changes, and we all need to have a refresher course on what ‘happiness’ means to us.

Sometimes we get bogged down in the struggle to find happiness in our lives. We become robotic with our work, our families, our friends, our social life, what we eat, what we do, what we hear and what we see. Everything becomes a blur and there is nothing that we see, feel or do that gives us a sense of contentment. Even a win or reaching another step in a goal doesn’t give us that exploding joy we were expecting to receive once we get what we want. It’s not necessarily materialistic, but it’s a sense of never being satisfied. How do we overcome this?

The reality is… we need to just keep moving, otherwise we get addicted, divorced from family and friends or dead. Many people only see happiness in their future – like they have to achieve ‘A’ to get ‘B’ and ‘happiness’ will be the result. But it’s not true. If we live in the present – take a second to smell the roses, the sea air, the baked cookies, the smell of your baby’s breath, or look at the pretty patterns in the fallen autumn leaves, the smile on your child’s face, or feel the warmth of a hot cup of tea, your dog snuggling up to you, and, but not limited to, the touch of your own skin, if you allow this little miracles of life to embrace you, and enjoy every single one of them for exactly what they are – a simple yet beautiful moment, then maybe you can allow happiness to enter your heart.

But the stark contrast is to ensure you’re not avoiding ‘unhappiness’ to search for ‘happiness’. You  need to understand the deepest hurts, the hardest falls, the meanest words that can debilitate you so you can rise above it all to appreciate the beauty that can make you happy. In my novel, I reflect on Sarah feeling emotionally numb to what was around her… she was so naive about what was good, bad, love, anger, abuse, sadness, joy… it all rolled into one. She had no opinion, no concept of how she felt because everything in her life sat in ‘existence.’ It took her to leave her marriage, lose her parents, and unravel the baggage that was holding her emotions in limbo to discover herself to see how her heart really sang.

And sometimes you need to remove the people in your lives, and even the circumstances you’re in to determine if those people or those circumstances are limiting you. Are they making you mostly ‘up’ when you are around them, or ‘down?’ You can’t live in hope that ‘one day’ things will change… you have to live in the present. You have to make decisions that grant you the opportunity to be the best person you can be and if removing people, circumstances or materialistic things from your life is hard to do, you have to ask yourself, why would anyone want to prolong someone else’s misery? Especially your own.

And with happiness, there must be love. As happiness is answering your calling. If your calling is to help others, be part of a family, make music, dance, have a talent for baseball, drawing, medicine, politics, whatever it is, find your calling and live it! Because once you live it, you love it, and you love yourself.  If you can’t love or be loved, you can’t officially be happy. And one of the nicest things I’ve heard in a long time, is ‘if I seem happy, I know I am loved for who I am.’ WHO I AM! Such powerful words because so many of us are trying to find ourselves through all the hurt and hardships we have faced. If you know who you are, and are not fearful of it, you WILL be happy. As fear, is the obstruction of happiness.

So if you think back, to a time, it maybe childhood, it maybe your teens or it maybe sometime in your adult life where you can wholly remember happiness as a state of being, you’re one step closer to understanding your happiness. Mine was snorkelling in an aqua blue sea in the middle of Fiji seeing thousands of colourful fish in coral reefs while I was holding onto my children’s hands. We were floating above this undersea world of careless bliss. These fish had no care in the world, they were busy and alive doing what fish do. They looked after each other and unbeknown to them, they were spreading a wave of contentment through those who were enjoying their beauty.

You can’t search for happiness… Happiness is a by-product of what we do. We have an obligation to be happy, for ourselves, for our children, for our workmates, for our lovers, for our friends and for the strangers on the street. And the only way we can make it part of our everyday world is to learn to love like we’ve never loved before. Put others before ourselves, because making someone else happy, is part of the cycle, and hopefully, in that split second, or even just a moment later, that love will be returned, that happiness will be found, and the connection you’ve been searching for, just sits in your lap.