When life feels like it’s at its tether’s end and you can’t see the light, it’s funny, but somehow your true happiness will shine through the murky uncertainty.
It’s currently school holidays… My juggling has been a real task when I still need to work, give my kids some attention, deal with selling up everything, feeling sick with stress and you’re doing it all on my own. My kids are fighting, playing, annoying each other, helping around the house and sometimes getting a little break from each other with an invitation to go to a friend’s house. Most the time they keep each other company and play well together, but sometimes the whinging and whining gets all too much. But it’s the little things that know that you’re doing the right thing as a mum, and it supersedes all the overwhelming stuff.
Last Friday night we went out for dinner and it had been raining all day. I found a parking space quite close to the entrance so we could do the big bolt to the car when we were leaving. The boys had a nice dinner, a play in the kid’s play area, made themselves a soft-serve ice-cream and were ready to go within an hour. As we stepped out, the rain was pelting down, with the droplets as big as elephant’s tears. I had had the car detailed the day before, and I didn’t want the boys to get inside the car wet and muddy, so I told them to stay at the covered entrance, I will get the car, and then they can get in, with minimal ‘wetness.’ As I was about to make my way through the hazy damp H20 missiles, my 8 year old son started to take off his jacket to give to me so that I could cover my head so it wouldn’t get wet… just like a true gentleman. A truly proud moment, knowing that he knew how to be considerate and caring to others.
A couple of months ago, I bought the boys some guinea pigs so they could get used to caring and being responsible for a pet. At first, the boys were a little apprehensive with picking them up and petting them, but now they understand their personalities and needs more. Today, little Johnny escaped out of my 8 year old’s hands before he could get him in the cage. He hid under the cage, moving around so not to be caught. Eventually, with many hands trapping him into a corner, we caught him to put him back into his home. My 10 year old said ‘Johnny’s annoying. He’s always escaping. Where Speedy is always good.’ My 8 year old, who is the official owner of Johnny, said ‘Yes, he’s annoying like me, and cheeky like me too!’ Admittedly, the guinea pigs’ personalities are exactly the same as their individual owners. And it’s just good to see that my boys are recognising it, and gaining happiness from it.
So for me, my happiness is seeing my boys happy and knowing right from wrong. My other happiness is spending time with my beautiful lover who makes me feel that everything will be OK, and inspires and encourages me to be and stay strong. For me, it’s spending time with the people I truly love. I will get through the miserable heartache that I left 2 years ago to move onto a better life, but it’s just a matter of time before someone puts a stop to ‘him’ hurting me and the boys anymore. You have to find the clarity in where your happiness is to make every day worth while, otherwise you just spiral into a vortex of depression, and you can’t be any good to those who need you the most. And that’s where your focus must be… on those who need you…