No 100 – Shall it be about sex, or about being a single mum?

Posted by in Life choices on December 11, 2011 0 comments

Hmmm… the big question… or could it be about both? πŸ™‚

There is no question about it, I’m going through a fairly bitter divorce. Well the divorce hasn’t been bitter when that part of it was legalised, it’s been the financial settlement mainly, with the child custody issues put on the back burner until the financial settlement is finalised. And I have told almost anyone who’s willing to lend an ear, possibly way too much for what they want to hear, but I’m so frustrated with the process, that for some reason, I want everyone to know. My yoga teacher/masseuse suggests I see a lady who helps redirect my energies to help things move more into the positive, which I guess I should give it a go, just to see if it can make a difference.

But recently, I poured my heart out to a recently separated single dad at school. I’d spoken to this dad a few times over the years, but never had a conversation of any depth with him until recently. He is going through an amicable separation, so he just doesn’t fathom how my ex can be the way his is – not interested in his sons’ interests, financially looking after them or making an effort for them. It’s beyond this single dad how my ex could consider himself a father.

So was my pouring my heart out about how I’m being done in by my ex-husband, lawyers and the Family Court a sign to him that he could make a move? Did I look and act that vulnerable that he felt he could take it to the next step? Hmmm… Maybe he did. The next time we chatted, we were walking home from school and one of my boys needed to go to the bathroom, so he invited us in to his place. We literally stayed for as long as my son was in the bathroom, but he opened up the invitation to say that whenever I wanted to come over for a chat and the boys for a play, we’re more than welcome. Three or so days later, I get a text message to see if I wanted to come down to the family friendly bar nearby with the kids to have a ‘drink.’ Am I reading too much into it?

Look, he’s a nice guy, but not the kind of guy I would go out with. This is where I get myself into trouble. Men think that they have the potential with me to jump into their pants, but really, I just sometimes like the company of men because they aren’t as bitchy or competitive as women. Do you hear me, girls?

But in the process of ‘being myself,’ am I sending subliminal signs that I could be interested that way? I don’t know… Maybe I have blinkers on to it all. But maybe too, he just wants a friend to chat with and only something platonic…. but do I trust the situation? The thing is, with all the shit going on in my life, I’m not in the right frame of mind to be introducing somebody new into my messed up world, not until I have a clear path into where the boys and I are going. That’s not fair on them, and it’s definitely not fair on my boys when they have no idea where life will lead us in the New Year.

So as I choose to take a back seat with my sex life and keep our talking to the school playground, I think about all the single parents out there who are looking for love in the school grounds, or those who are just simply content to have their own space at the moment. Your sex life certainly has a new dynamic when you’re single and have kids. You aren’t as reckless and you become more secretive, so not to introduce potential partners to your kids that aren’t going to stay around. You do it for your kids. After all, they are the most important people in your life right now, aren’t they?