Past, Present, Future

Posted by in Life choices on May 31, 2012 0 comments

I was thinking about how some people live in the past, others live for the present and others look to the future. I must admit, in some things, I’m a ‘past’ person, in other things, I’m a ‘future’ person, and not much of a ‘present’ person. So let me explain what I mean…

As a ‘past’ person, I cling heavily onto things people have said to me, bad or good. I remember things like, if someone says they prefer to be treated a certain way, then I will be true to that, if someone says they didn’t like how someone treated them in a certain way, then I will be diligent to remember that and not go down the same path. If someone said something hurtful or something that blows me away with love and affection, those feelings will stay with me forever, even if circumstances change, the hurts or the loving words will always be with me.

And this is where I get myself undone. I will bring up those hurts or those loving words, or even the way someone suggested they prefer to be treated, mid-fight, mid-loving moment or even just mid-conversation, and I get strange looks, like – ‘I said that a long time ago, why are you bringing that up now?’, even if that ‘long time ago’ was only a matter of weeks. Mainly because those feelings, words or actions were something that were so powerful for me, that they affected the relationship that I have with that person, good or bad, and will live with me, possibly build up in me adding to my frustrations with that person or my love for that person, waiting to explode.

So is this really healthy, and should I learn to forgive the past and be more in tune with the present? I guess the real answer is ‘yes.’ But how is that possible, especially when you’ve been programmed to ‘feel’ a certain way? I guess it’s understanding and realising what’s worth holding onto, and what’s not. Ending an argument with forgiveness, and forgetting. Of course, if a pattern arises and you feel like you are going in circles, then you have to learn to get off the merry-go-round and create new ways to live in a relationship, or let it go, but if the relationship is important to you, you both have to be willing to make the sacrifices to appease each other’s needs. On the other side of the coin, when all words are positively loving but actions aren’t backing up the love and affection (or vice versa), then you need to step back and see what the reality is. And that can be really hard to do…

As for me being a ‘future’ person, I tend to ‘plan’ a lot. Some people in my life prefer to take life one day at a time and don’t like my passion for planning; others want to know the step-by-step accounts of my thought processes for their security in ‘my security,’ or how my future actions will affect them. Planning has its place, and some relationships have a foreseeable future, others are happy to be lived day by day. And I’m OK with that. But I’ve learnt with my planning that I do need to take each step one at a time, because if one step breaks and I don’t have a new staircase to fall back onto, then I’ve got nowhere to go.

I’m sure there are a few of you out there who understand where I’m coming from, and I guess in the end, it’s all human nature. But we all need to be more open about how we feel, respect each other’s feelings and learn to live more in harmony. Life’s too short to be holding grudges and hurts, but pivotal moments have to be made, possibly sacrificed to show mutual respect within a relationship. And I believe the key to it all is mutuality – knowing the boundaries of who you are dealing with and sincerely respecting them, as they should for you.