When I returned, I was happy to see everyone. I felt renewed and eager to get back into the day to day activities, but with a new invigoration to step it up a notch and start looking out for me a bit more. Even though I’d accepted that I needed to start doing things for myself, divorce didn’t even enter my mind. I just knew I needed to do a few more things for myself to make me happy, as I was the one who was in charge of my own happiness.
I started looking into ways that I could accelerate my writing skills into another genre, I wrote a children’s book manuscript, I researched the publishing industry to see how it worked and how to get noticed; I started to talk to illustrators regarding my children’s book ideas and researched what genres were selling. I started reading more, escaping into my own little world to understand more about life, more about the things that were important to me. I wanted to share these things with my husband, but his interest and level of expertise wasn’t there to give me anything but patronising praise. He had no idea what I was talking about and he was too in tune with his own creative world to step for a minute into mine. It was disheartening because I wanted him to share the same excitement for it as me, but he just didn’t have the level of comprehension or passion that I had to talk to him about it.
I started my Masters in Writing on-line and discovered a whole new world of like-minded people who had the passion and intensity for writing as I did. At last, I could argue points that were important to me, feeling like my opinion was important and I could have an intellectual conversation about writing and publishing. At last, I was being heard. It was liberating and exhilarating, it was something that I really felt was in tune with my heart.
It was obvious though, our passions were living in completely separate corners and the way we worked on those passions were worlds apart. We just didn’t care to admit it at the time. He wanted to do things his way and wouldn’t allow me to give him suggestions on how he could improve his turnover, so I just kept going with my own thing, keeping the bills paid and my heart content in my writing. I was feeling good about myself again… I had a new hat to wear – ‘budding author’, and I liked it.