My boys have been through an intensely emotional time over the last 3 years due to my decision to break up my marriage. For my oldest, it was a relief that we broke up, however there has been the constant strain of having to deal with his father intermittently. For my youngest, it was devastating that we split, as he didn’t know what was wrong. However, over the last nine or so months, he’s seen what both his brother and I had seen in his father and decided that it was his father’s doing more so than mine, because he was now being hurt by the constant disappointed and the constant lies he tells more and more every time.
So from that, you see where they defer their anger, defer where they thought they had love but didn’t, and defer their emotions. They transfer their worries and concerns into playing video games, battling head-to-head with their Bey Blades (spinning tops in stadiums, working out different combinations of performance tips, weights & plastic screws to make the best top), drawing and sometimes making video recordings of themselves. For my youngest son, his drawings over the past year have been anything from babyish scrawl to detailed characters that he plans to sell to a video game company for their next Skylander, Mario & Sonic character or even a cartoon series. Most of the characters have sharp teeth or angry faces, which is in essence the state of his heart.
Last week, he asked me to buy him a drawing sketch book at 7.30pm on a Friday night. He pleaded like he was desperate to have it. So we went to the local stationery supplier and bought a 200 page plain white sheet sketch pad so he could draw. That night, he created about eight characters. On the Saturday, he drew another four. Over the past week, those characters have progressed from sharp pointed teeth monsters to cheeky faced smiling friends. Their eyes smile, they poke their tongues out and their mouths have big wide grins. And my son, has the beautiful smiling face he had before we split. His aura has come back, and it’s so beautiful to see.
Whereas, my oldest son, his drawings have always been happy characters, and he’s constantly telling jokes, he’s sometimes annoyingly happy just to break the ice when there’s too much seriousness to be had and he truly is a joy to have around. His persona generally changes to distress when someone from the outside world – the courts, lawyers or mediators, say he has to see his father. He’s getting into making animation with his iPad, and today when I was scouring the shelves of a bookshop for a present for my nephew, my boys were quietly sitting in the back of the bookshop reading a book together for a good twenty minutes (before I told them we had to go!).
It really is nice to sit back and take in the beauty of your children – see them aspire to what fills them up with happiness. Sometimes you can see where life will take them, career wise, but sometimes its just seeing where they are developing their talents that could lead to other things. It’s times like these that you have to nurture what they have and what they love. It’s these moments in time where you see the love in their heart – for you, for what they are doing and for their surrounds, and it makes it all worthwhile.