I see a lot of mums and dads fight for what they believe is right for their kids, mainly because their kids have been victimised by one or the other parent and they choose to confide in the ‘other parent’ to get their needs addressed. But what happens when ‘the other parent’ fights for the wishes of that child, take it to court, only for the matter to not be a concern for that child anymore because so much time has passed between the initial event and the court hearing?
It’s a hard one, as some events can be on-going, like one parent taking a phone away from a child on their watch so that the child is completely devoted to them rather than calling on the other parent for back up, and then there are other things can seem small but with the ‘other parent’ fighting for the rights of the child, that small event can turn into bigger events and the child could be punished worse because he told the ‘other parent.’
Why is it so hard? These parents brought these children into this world with love, but somehow the bitterness and pettiness takes over. I know with my situation, the bitterness stemmed not from me, but from my ex who was upset that his financial gold mine had been taken from him, so he fought for everything financial, but not so much for the kids. And still, 5 years later, rarely spends time with them, nor calls them, but then tells the world through Facebook how much they are his precious angels and blames me for being the hurdle in his life for not seeing his boys, while I am the one who has provided means of communication for him to contact them, drop them to his flat every time and co-ordinate with his family for them to attend his family events, yet he does nothing (classic narcissistic behaviour).
Whereas, much of the bitterness happens when a new partner is involved, especially a ‘young new partner’ who wants to play happy families. They want to dismiss the other parent and create a life where they don’t need to worry about the other biological parent, which creates heartache for the parent losing out, but also for the child, who through harmful and thoughtless words from the parent and their new partner, isolate the child from their absent parent.
So after a court session, or even a simple argument in the driveway after dropping your kids off at the other parent’s house, you bring up an issue that your child has voiced, how do you cope with the rejection the child gives you for voicing their opinion?
It’s hard, because the psychology of a child is that they bring up an issue, and then it gets forgotten about, as they get it off their chest, especially for boys. I have had my boys say to be several times, ‘why do you make such a big deal out of things?’ And my answer is alway to make sure they are happy and their feelings are heard. When in reality, they just want to get on with life and not worry about the bullshit that parents deal with to make sure their kids are happy in every environment they live – in their own home, the other parent’s house, school, their sports and extra curricular activities, at grandparent’s houses, etc.
So are we over-analysing what’s necessary for our kids? Spending way too much time in courts or trying to make out that we are the better parent? Possibly… who knows? But sometimes, we just need to move on in life, accept things for what they are, communicate without animosity with the other parent and allow our kids to grow and shine.