Defining a Greater Love…

Posted by in Relationships on August 15, 2011 0 comments

How can your love be compartmentalised by rationality? OK, so there’s the love you have for your parents, the love you have for your children, the love you have for your siblings and the love you have for your partner. And, of course, there’s the love you have for pets, your job, your sports, your hobbies and essentially your life. So which one supersedes all to dominate your life? And how is that defined?

Words and actions can speak two very different languages. Your words can say the mantras that you have believed your entire life – that you will love your children unconditionally, that you will cherish your parents through health and sickness, that your work is what makes you ‘you’, that you will love and honour your life long partner until death do you part. That’s your head speaking…. But then your actions betray your words because your heart wants something new, something that keeps you alive when all else seems routine and mundane. You start to play golf every Sunday to get away from the kids and the work life, you don’t go on a weekend away with your parents on a river boat because you can’t take your dog, you become addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, gambling or the internet despite it killing your family dynamic. You find someone who gives you the time, finds you desirable and discover passion again through an affair. These are the things that take over us and forsake all those things that are supposed to be our ‘greater loves.’

So who are we kidding? Will those who are supposed to love us unconditionally – our parents, our children, our life partners, our siblings – can they forgive and forget when we forget a school concert we’re supposed to go to, when we’ve spent our parent’s life savings on being bailed out of jail, when we’ve cheated on our partner or told our siblings that they are a stupid drunk? Some will, some won’t – it will all depend on how many times we break their hearts and if they can endure more suffering.

But does family define who we are and where we want to go? In some cases, ‘yes,’ but in many cases ‘no.’ We are the product of our environment and most will pick areas of their childhood that they loved and want to share that with their own children and family as they grow up, but we also can be very determined not to have certain elements from our childhood to repeat itself as we rear our own children. But we also get to a stage in life that outside forces give us something so much more than what we can ever have in our family environment. We find a love for travel, a love for sports, a love for solitude, a love for passion. Some of it can include our families in it, and some of it can’t – it’s your love that you want to claim as your own.

So will those who love you unconditionally allow you the freedom to indulge in the things that make you whole? Or will they fight to keep you by their side no matter how much it hurts you? That’s the thing… every person is an individual, and as selfish as it may seem, they can only be whole by being surrounded by the things that make them who they are. They can only help others if they feel they have something for themselves. It’s called balance. And the people who love them, have to accept every aspect of them for who they are. It’s a question of judgment and accepting.

A greater love won’t stop you from doing what you heart compels you to do. It keeps your responsibilities in order, but it finds a way to ensure that you can blend your responsibilities with that greater love. The greater love will break all boundaries so that your heart is always content. But you can’t have the greater love without the greatest love.

The greatest love of all is with ourselves. We can only be the best for everyone else if we love who we are and all aspects of our being. We can always strive to be better.. better for ourselves and for those we love, without sacrificing the person within.