I went to a party on Saturday night, and a few friends who I hadn’t seen for a while asked what’s going on on the ‘love front’ with me… if I’ve found myself a local man, if I still have my internet love, if I’m dating, etc… And it’s interesting, because I genuinely felt happy to say I am happy not being constricted to a relationship right now… partly because my boys really need me, partly because I have plenty going on behind the scenes with making my writing dreams come true and partly because I have my own aspirations of where I want to go in life that introducing someone new to all of it, may make those aspirations disappear.
As I’ve said before, I’ve had plenty of ‘offers’, but I’m not even interested in casual sex, going on a date or flirting with anyone, UNLESS I have a genuine attraction to them. Because NOTHING else matters unless someone can make me laugh out loud, make me smile, make me see in their eyes that they have warmth, compassion and sincerity for me and others outside themselves, are genuinely interested in the welfare of my kids (and theirs, if they have any) and that they have a beautiful soul.
There were two sayings that I came across during the week that really stood out to me… 1) Anything worth having is worth fighting for… So if you love someone, or find someone attractive and want to pursue it, make it happen… don’t sit in the background waiting for it to happen to you. 2) and when asked why someone loves you, the response is ‘because when I met you, my spirit came alive.’ Which made me clarify what I’ve been thinking for a while… being in love isn’t about what the other person offers, it’s about how you feel when the other person is in your life… how your spirit feels free, confident and wants to tell the world how amazingly happy you are with this person in your life. You feel revivified, rejuvenated and you want the world to feel what you’re feeling.
And I will admit, I have only been their twice in my life… my very first boyfriend and my more recent lover… so I know what that feels like, I know what my heart sings to, and at my tender age of 39, I don’t need to compromise for anything less. And somehow through the forces of the universe, those two men are still active in my life, and knowing that, it enables my heart to sing, even though I don’t have anyone physically for me ‘right now.’ And that is totally OK.
So when you see a single mum or dad remaining ‘single,’ don’t be sorry for them that they can’t share their lives with someone, be happy for them that they have other things in their life that’s more important to them, like their kids, their career and their aspirations. For once in their life, they have learnt that their life isn’t about compromising, it’s about living and feeling alive.