Most would say that I’m an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I cry at every poignant point in a movie, I’m in touch with what moves me – the poverty stricken African child who hasn’t brought any food to his mouth for a week, reunited people at an airport, when a family loses a loved one through war, when there is a natural disaster that killed and when I’m proud of an achievement my kids have done. These are things that touch my heart and soul, as most would, but somehow, I can’t dive deep into my emotional pool and communicate verbally my emotions to those who matter most.
OK, so we know that emotions are part of our irrational side of our brain. So does that mean, that whenever we try to communicate them verbally, we are no doubt going to make mistakes when we communicate? We say things that we don’t mean? We get pushed to a point to reveal an evil side of ourselves that rarely surfaces, because we can only take so much? Do we end up using words that we subconsciously know will hurt the other person, only to combat the hurt that they give us? Can we take back the words that we so regretfully said, and have our loved one forgive us over time?
It’s so hard to know what’s right, as every individual acts and responds differently, you never know when you will hit a trigger point that loses your beau’s trust. How do you get that trust back?
I know I’ve hurt my love by not being able to reach into the depths of my soul and verbalise what I truly felt at a time when words were being flung around with passionate animosity. My words, at the time, hit like a dagger into his heart. I can’t retract those words that wounded, I just beg for forgiveness. If it can only be understood that it was my irrationality that took me there, not my rational clarity that draws me to him.
I don’t know how to communicate emotions properly, like I’m guessing 99% of the population don’t know how to. We can only eliminate those who have college degrees in psychology, psychiatry and Freud who can rationalise their emotions and practice their skills everyday. It’s more hurtful when those mental professionals who have the skills to differentiate the rational and the irrational say something intentional to hurt or create a reaction that determine who the person is because they are using their skill to lure their victim into what they don’t want to say, and damn them.
But they are the one’s who know that they have pushed too hard, and can forgive easily, knowing that they have trapped their prey in their web, hurting their loves in the process.
It is a learning curve, knowing how you can cope when pushed. But it’s a very hard lesson to learn.