Finding happiness…

Posted by in Relationships, Single Mum Life on July 9, 2011 0 comments

It’s sad to see so many single mums holding onto the image that it takes a ‘man’ to give them happiness. Or for those who are the other way inclined a ‘woman.’ They see couples together, enjoying each other’s company, schmoozing with each other, smiling and whispering sweet nothings to each other wishing that that image was them.

And it is a nice thought, no doubt. But why does it have to be everything that we hold on to? Why can’t it be a ‘part’ of the happiness and not the only thing that would make us happy? Are single mums giving themselves a life sentence of sadness by holding onto that ‘one’ thought?

Where does this image come from? Is it the fairytale of romance that we learnt from Cinderella and Snow White that makes us believe that this is the life we must live for? Can’t we be married to ourselves – married to the adventures that we create for ourselves, married to the opportunities we give ourselves, married to a life of independence? What is it that is so appealing about a man that we can’t live without them?

Really girls, the lustre of what a man can provide a woman these days is fading quickly. Women are able to financially look after themselves, change a light bulb by themselves, mow the lawns, get home loans by themselves, and know when they are being conned by the service department at the car dealership that they need to replace the windscreen wipers now when there really is another eighteen months left before they need to be changed. Women aren’t silly anymore. Give yourself more credit. Think about your friend’s marriages and look deeper than the surface. Are they truly happy or co-existing for financial and family reasons? Do they still have the romance, the passion and vitality for each other, or are they constantly annoyed with their spouses?

More and more men are struggling to fulfil their financial and family obligations due to their ever expensive ‘toys’ and ‘boys weekends away’ that they so dearly deserve (cough cough), putting more stress on the family unit and leaving the mum home with the kids, trafficking them around to Saturday morning sports while the husband is off playing golf with his mates. The family unit is slowly separating under the one roof with women taking their kids off on holidays while the husband stays back to work. Is this the image that single mums pin their dreams on in the hope that one day they will be a ‘couple’ again?

Admittedly, sexual intimacy is one thing a couple cherish. Lying down in bed, opening up about each other’s vulnerabilities, talking about their hopes and dreams and learning about each other’s bodies. It’s truly what makes ‘being together’ so magical. But when the bedroom door opens, a new face emerges and the bedroom talk is a distant memory. You hold onto those times and try to let all the other negativity disappear, knowing that sooner than later, you’ll have a chance to be intimate again, as that is what feels good within your partnership.

But in the end, happiness can only be found from within… if you are happy, you will attract happiness, and good fortune, and fabulous friends, and a passion for being you. You need to believe in yourself that you are the only person that can make you happy. Once you are there, you will attract people who will look up to you, be inspired by you, and fall in love with you, and then maybe, just maybe, you will find a place in your heart to love another, as they do for you.