When I got divorced, my Mum told me some of the tricks some of her ‘divorced’ friends used to do to ensure they didn’t get ‘hit’ on by the wrong men. They would wear their old wedding rings, talk about non-existent boyfriends in case someone was listening to their conversation at a bar, anything to keep them away. I’m too honest to pull off something like that, but I understand where they come from. The unsolicited attention you get as a single women from men you aren’t attracted to, married men who just want to flirt but are too gutless to take it to the next step and leave their wife, married men who consume your time with text messages thinking you want to see pictures of their penis because ‘you apparently ain’t getting any,’ and men who think that you need a bodyguard from all the other ‘men’ who are just like them!
So when you do find the right one, the one who makes your heart beat a little faster, the one you want to get to know a little more, why is it that the timing isn’t right for them? You can understand why it is so hard to find love post-40s… most are still having troubles with their ex-partners and don’t want to get another person involved, some are struggling with raising their children, some are having a mid-life crisis and it’s all about ‘them’ and what they missed out on being when they were attached, some are still in love with their ex-partner to move on, and some are just ‘not that into you.’
So what do you do? Put your heart on the line only for it to constantly get broken, or do you just give up on ‘love’ secretly wishing that Mr Perfect will just fall at your feet any day now? Who knows, but coming off the back of yesterday’s blog, I guess we should all never give up.
But is it ironic, that for the number of men you reject for the numerous reasons, primarily because you are just not attracted to them (you really need to have some attraction before you can take it any further), you conversely have the same number of men reject you? Or just does it seem that way because we are so picky, especially as single mothers, because we all want someone who is not only perfect for you, but also perfect for your kids. It’s such a vicious circle, making it feel almost impossible to make happen, especially as you don’t want to make the same mistakes as you did with your children’s father (after all, you did split because you weren’t working). You do become more analytical and more sensitive to the smallest annoying attributes, that you right off almost anyone. No one will ever be good enough to enter your tightly-connected single parent family. But somehow, you do have to let go, so you can let love in.
It’s hard, no doubt. But somehow, one day, when the timing is perfect, love will come when it’s least expected.