How do you tell someone you’re just not interested?

Posted by in Relationships on October 20, 2011 0 comments

A friend of mine had a one-night stand from an internet dating site about 2 years ago. After a couple of hours text chatting, but not seeing each other on the site, they decided to meet, as it had been months for both of them since they last had sex. They agreed that it wouldn’t get weird, it was just one night of fun and that’s all it would be.

They met at a ‘family restaurant’ half way between each other’s homes. They ordered some non-alcoholic beverages and chatted for about an hour. He was kind of cute, in a straight ‘mummy’ kind of way. But she had convinced herself that she would get some dick between her legs before the night was out, and he was her only chance. They didn’t touch or kiss at the restaurant, but she could tell he was happy with his internet find. He followed her home in his car, texting each other as they drove. Him asking ‘are we there yet?’ She telling him that they are on a wild goose chase.

They get back to her home, stand opposite each other awkwardly, and he walks up to her like an inexperienced teenager (not a man who’d just hit 40) and kissed her with a little bit too much slobber. It was the first time she’d kissed a man passionately since she’d left her husband, and it was not what she expected. She let it go, hungry to get him to go into unchartered territory (well, territory that hadn’t been chartered for months!)

They went to her bedroom, took their clothes off, she lay on the bed, and he kneeled at the end of the bed. He was hard, and she could see he was lustful over her, but he kept having these weird spasms like he was trying not to cum by just looking at her. He put on a condom, crawled on top of her and they had sex.

The spasms continued regularly and were coupled with animalistic noises like some kind of mating call, while he was inside her. He kept kissing her like he wanted to kiss her mouth but missing and getting the rest of her face. After about 10 minutes of fighting back the slobber, she noticed the condom was no longer on. Where is it? Have you got another one? He had already blown his load in one of his outward spasms and she didn’t even know. He had no other condom, and he said that he would ‘pull out’ if he felt the need to go again. It was not the ‘connection’ she was looking for…

After about an hour, she told him to go home as she needed to get some sleep.

For a month or two later, he would Skype her asking if there was a chance they could meet up again. She told him she wasn’t interested. He kept trying to maintain some kind of friendship, and she was willing to text chat as friends, but that was it.

He didn’t make any contact for a good nine months, and then he came back. Kept calling her ‘beautiful,’ saying how much he loved the night with her, wanting to know if he could see her face on Skype. She kept saying no, she’s not interested, but he kept persisting, in a very gentlemanly manner. In recent weeks, the contact has gone from once every 2 months to every couple of days, hoping that she will ‘give in’. But she’s not. How can you go back to someone who pops his cork quicker than you can say boo and has these physical spasms that turn into a vocal roar? That’s what dating is all about – trying people on to see if they work for you, and if they don’t, you just move on. But he doesn’t get that…

She doesn’t know what to do besides ignore his calls… the problem is, he is a nice guy, very sweet, but just not the guy for my friend. They have nothing in common and she couldn’t possibly start something with someone who is an incredibly bad lover. She wouldn’t be true to anyone in the relationship. She doesn’t know why he keeps persisting – maybe he’s convinced that he’s in love with her. Maybe he stalks her and she doesn’t even know it. Who knows? But his recent spurt of constant contact is upsetting my friend. She knows she needs to cut the friendship, but doesn’t want to hurt him. Ignorance is possibly the best chance to let him slip away without being overly hurtful.

Love to have any feedback on other ways to give him a clue that there is no more hanky panky between him and my friend. Feel free to comment 🙂