Most of us entered the internet dating world with determination and optimism. The possibilities were endless, a pool of hundreds if not thousands of potential partners just a click away. But that was a decade ago and the shiny new thing that was going to find us love has become very tarnished, dare I say dirty! So what do you need to know about internet dating survival?
Internet dating attracts its fair share of serial daters, players and creeps, both male and female, after all it’s not just the guys that are using the anonymity of the internet as a licence to behave badly. Knowing the rules in the early days could have saved me a lot of angst and heartache, so I’d like to share some of this hard won wisdom with women, and the men who don’t want to be tarred with the same brush.
- Don’t waste time and/or energy on men that don’t meet your ‘Ideal Candidate” checklist
- Write your Ideal Candidate checklist – perhaps with some friends over a bottle of wine
- Write your profile and then get some trusted friends to read and comment on it. Remember your friends see you from a different perspective and may remind you of some of your qualities
- Don’t write anything negative – that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t list your likes & dislikes, that can be quite helpful for someone to assess your compatibility
- Avoid guys that refer to you with pet names i.e. baby, babe, honey. It’s way too familiar when you haven’t even met them yet and more importantly they do it so they don’t call you by another name – serial dater/player
- Do not engage in sexual innuendo talk online, you will be relegated to the ‘sex only’ box and you are probably just supplying him with ‘self management’ assistance
- If a guy is totally gushy and talking about you being ‘the one’…… RUN! He is either desperate or is grooming you because he thinks you are desperate and can take advantage of you
- Remember that if a guy is willing to show/send you pics of his hot body, you are not the only one receiving them!
- Remember that your profile pic says a lot about you, so if you don’t want to attract a player don’t upload a pic of your cleavage with a trout pout. By the way, guys hate trout pouts.
- If he can’t write a decent profile, communicate in writing when he has ample time to think of a response, you won’t get much better in person
- Do your homework, look at profiles that are well written, witty, confident, essentially all the things that are on your Ideal Candidate checklist. You can get pretty efficient in wading through all the messages if you stick to your ‘must have’ list
- Use your detective skills to find out as much as possible about a guy before you meet. Remember anyone can create a fake profile on a dating site, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
- Approach dates as meeting new friends, if you see each date as a potential relationship you will be disappointed quite often
The most important thing to remember about internet dating is to have fun with dating. Remember what dating was like when we were teenagers? We didn’t look at every date as marriage, we were just having fun getting to know people. And given the number of men that say they want that 16 year old excitement felt again, you could be off the market quickly if you adopt that fun loving, light hearted approach to dating when you are over 40! In my experience, men can smell desperation a mile off, and they run!
Happy dating and stay safe 🙂