Seeing through the Obstacles to Find the Clarity

Posted by in Relationships on September 23, 2011 0 comments

Why is it so hard to make a decision sometimes? Is it the conscious effort to appease everyone? Is it that you’re not accepting that things need to change? Is it the unknown? Is it holding onto the memories? I’m not talking about the everyday decisions, like do I go to the shops now before it starts raining, or tie it into picking the kids up from school, I’m talking about the huge monumental life changing decisions that effectively change the path that you are either stagnant on or most likely going backwards on.

But most find, once they have made that decision to make the change, the universe opens up, embraces that change, and life start to work for you, instead of against you.

So what are the obstacles that keep you on the path of torture and sorrow? Are they materialistic things – cars, a house, jewellery, collectables, shoes – things that show status and power, but don’t necessarily keep us happy? Are they people – people making you feel guilty about how you live your life because it a) doesn’t include them, b) goes against how they would live their life,  c) or a big dollop of judgement? Are they events that you can’t control – a child with a disorder or illness, a government that can’t assist you, a natural disaster? You need to pin point all the obstacles in your life that stop you from moving on with your life and finding happiness.

It may sound simple, but I know it’s not. And most of us get torn between being happy with the ‘known’ and scared about the ‘unknown’ – the better the devil you know scenario. And I hear it time and time again in my day job – people staying with each other for 30 or more years for the sake of the children, for the sake of knowing what each day will be like (sad and uneventful), for the terror of not knowing what’s on the other side. And most have heard horror stories of bitter divorces, children not wanting to be with one parent over the other, the joys of continuing a parenting relationship with the person that they consciously didn’t want to be with any more, and think it’s all too hard.

But the cleansing is so much more rewarding. Lifting the baggage off your shoulders, realising and releasing the tension that other person/people put on you, finding out who you are as an individual again, living without the constant animosity and burden of trying to appease the other person while not considering your own thoughts and desires. And most the time we don’t realise how much pain the person or things actually affect our own health. For instance, the day my husband went away to work I was 100kgs, riddled with years of dermatitis on my right hand, so much so that putting it in dish-water would crack my skin on my hand that it bled, stung and it hurt so much I struggled to bend my fingers, the tension in my shoulders and neck was excruciating that it caused headaches and constant trips to the osteopath, and I thought it was all to do with my workload, being a mum and getting older. But once he left, it all went away… I lost 22kgs in 6 months, my dermatitis disappeared and my headaches and my neck/shoulder pain left. Who would know that one person could cause so much physical damage through mental and emotional means? And my son also benefited from him leaving, never to wet the bed again.

It was our start to a happily life for me and my boys, but we know more needs to be done. The decision has been made and the clarity is coming. We can feel it, it’s now just time. We’ve identified the obstacles and we’re doing what we can to either remove them or put them to the side so we can find the path to brighter future. It’s understanding who has the control in your life.

If I can do it, you can too… do it for yourself, your kids and your wellbeing.