The Post-Break-Up Wallow

Posted by in Relationships on August 18, 2011 0 comments

I’m reading a book at the moment called ‘The Beach House’ by Jane Green. It’s about an old lady who has this lovely old beach house with plenty of bedrooms that she decides to rent out rooms in it over the summer. It’s about the stories of all the people that come to the house and how the house changes their lives.
There is one character, a newly separated woman who’s husband had an affair and her 13-year-old daughter went to live with her husband, leaving her completely alone and empty with no running around to do for school, after school activities, washing to do and meals to prepare. She spent most nights either snowed in with her work or watching re-runs of Law and Order in bed, snuggled up with a liquor based hot chocolate.
As a divorcee myself, I do the same – in fact, I spent more time when I was married avoiding going to bed by doing research on my computer till the wee hours so not to put up with the crap my ex used to watch on TV in bed. Now, I just enjoy having the bed and the bedroom to myself – watch whatever I like on TV, sprawl my clothes all over the floor, play on my computer, chat with friends in the warmth of my bed and when I’m in the mood, pull out my ever reliable ‘manly’ toy.
But as it says in the book, there is a time to leave the comfort of the duvee and re-runs and venture out into the world of single’s nights, friend’s parties and blind dates. But do you really have to? Can’t you just be happy in your own space without the pre-judged ideals of everyone wanting to be a couple?
As many know, the single dating scene can be even more depressing that seeing Ross marrying Rachel in a drunken Vegas escapade for the tenth time, but can the not trying to date or being involved with someone be like getting back in the employment market after not working for ten years?
It can be more daunting, as you haven’t dealt with the expectations of the market for so long. You don’t know what’s considered cheesy when it was trendy 20 years ago, you don’t know the text slang or cyber chat language, you don’t know how much people want to know about you and your past life, you don’t know how much you are still holding onto your past life… You have worries about how to be intimate with someone else, you don’t know how many dates to go on before you introduce your kids to him, you  have to think about what your kids think and what’s best for them…. oh, the list goes on…
So you retreat back under the covers, watch re-runs of ER or Greys Anatomy, and hope that you may one day have Dr McDreamy just slip into your lap at a school carnival or as a work client so you never have to go to those sleazy single’s bars or internet sites again.