The Struggle to Find Honesty

Posted by in Relationships on November 23, 2012 0 comments

Recently, I had someone say ‘Hello’ to me from my Twitter account. I had no idea who he was, but he advertised himself as a divorced 40 year old, in a professional career, with a son similar age to my boys, who loves to play golf, surf and lives in the States. He had an attractive pic of himself, in a slightly posed shot. He looked sweet… but I was a little sceptical in announcing so much about himself on his intro line on a Twitter account. After all, Twitter isn’t a dating website.

Anyway, we had a bit of a conversation… firstly through Twitter. I asked him, possibly two or three questions into our conversation, ‘What do I owe the pleasure of your company?’ It didn’t get a response.  He told me more about his son. I asked him why he was ‘up’ as I’m very familiar with the time zones in the US, and he said it was 10am where he was, and he told me he was working on a project in Africa and would be back in the US soon. He said he had his son in boarding school as he was away from home a lot, and wanted to protect his son from his drug-using ex-wife/mother of his son. We took the conversation to Yahoo Messenger, and we text chatted. As I understand his profession, as it’s in a similar field to what I work in, I asked him questions like ‘what stage of his project is he at?,’ I asked him about his son and what he was into… and even re-instated why I have the pleasure of his company? Again, all the questions were left unanswered. Of course, he asked me questions too, like what type of food I like, what type of music, where have I travelled to, what type of animals are in Australia, what my boys were into… really basic things. He didn’t ask me what my profession was, where I lived in Australia (beach, country, city), things that if you were keen on someone, you’d think would be asked.

Anyway, he eventually gave me his full name and I asked him if he was on Facebook so we could be Facebook friends. He said he was, but rarely went on it. Which is a fair comment. However, as he wasn’t answering my questions, questions that were innocent enough to have an honest answer to, I decided to do a little Google searching on him. I looked up his name first, and there was only one of his spelling who was in another profession in the UK. I had a look on websites like Spokeo, Pipl, and there were only 2 others in the US in States that weren’t even close to where he said he lived.

About an hour into our conversation, I confronted him. I asked him why he was avoiding my questions. I stayed online for about half an hour, and I didn’t get a response. So I signed out and forgot about him.

Three days later, I get an email through Twitter asking if I’m OK and why I haven’t been ‘online.’ I ignored it. Earlier this week, I get a couple more emails, asking me if anything is wrong, if I’m OK…  AND I get an anonymous blog comment on my website saying ‘haven’t heard from you in days, hope you’re OK.’ Why would he send it as an ‘anonymous’ person? I decided to write back, to give him one more chance, saying he needed to prove to me that he was real, as he left many of my questions unanswered, and I gave him all the unanswered questions again.

He wrote back, saying he was prepared to give me everything to prove to me who he is – his boss’s email address, his son’s email address and his cell number (that just happened to be from Nigeria) – things I didn’t ask for, and AGAIN, he didn’t answer the questions I asked. Are guys really that dumb or do they hide behind only what they want to tell you?

He also said that he had no reason to doubt me, and wonders why I’m doubting him so much. And I told him, that I showed him real photos of my boys with Australian animals, and a pic of the three of us… that that gives me integrity AND he had seen my blog, so that tells you that I’m real. His Facebook account had no photos and only secret friends, and his favourite movie was Hannah Montana! Hello! For a 40 year old man with a elementary aged school son, why would they be into Hannah Montana? A lot of things just didn’t make sense.

He blamed things like his ex-wife was a bit of a stalker so he keeps quite a private life, especially on the internet, but to me, that’s no excuse for not being upfront with me in private conversations.

I just don’t know… if you are attracted to someone, want to start a friendship with someone, why wouldn’t you begin the friendship with honesty? There was no sexual things going on with him, it was all platonic, but I do know the lengths that some mean go to to tug on a girl’s heartstrings. For someone who has quite attractive photos of himself, is available, in a great profession and shows that he is a loving caring father, you wonder why he’s still available, if all he says about himself is true? So for me, it’s all the little things he doesn’t say about himself that tell me he’s not as good as makes out for us to believe.

The more he tried to convince me that he was genuine with things I didn’t ask for, like saying he had two properties in the US (like I care about materialistic things), the more I criticised that he didn’t do the simplest things I asked of him – answer the questions I ask, or I won’t believe you. I even asked him why it was so important to him that I’m in his life? He then said I was being too judgemental and that he was tired of proving himself to me. The only thing he proved to me was that he couldn’t answer a simple question, or he knew how to avoid the questions he didn’t want to answer.

So I’ve left it… he could be a Nigerian scam artist for all I know, trying to lure me into a web of handing over money. His email address was dodgy too… I won’t say it, but he had his first name in it, then had ******stalkn2ya@yahoo.com… doesn’t that look like he’s ‘stalking you?’ Things just didn’t add up.

Anyway, for anyone who wants something to do with me, honesty is the key to any relationship or friendship with me, as I believe it is for most women. I really don’t know why men feel they have to be someone they aren’t, when women are genuinely prepared to like them for just the person they are.