One thing my lover used to say to me, as he was on the other side of the world and I was stuck in Australia, was ‘take advantage of all the daily advances from potential suitors.’ I used to say ‘what suitors?’ ‘what advances?’ I knew there were a couple of guys interested in me, but I had no inkling for them, and I never had anyone make an advance on me who would qualify for my extensive list of desirable qualities.
Do us single mothers have blinkers on with all the potential suitors out there? Or are we just super fussy because any man that comes into our lives must be potential step-father material for our children? I really don’t know… but after having five different guys occupy my time via text messages, Facebook chatting, Skype chatting and neighbourly chatting over the past week (mind you, two of them are married, supposedly happily, and two are in relationships), each one of them show a different level of caring for me when I only enjoy their friendship and nothing else. I know most would love to jump into bed with me, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. And I know there are possibly a couple more male friends of mine who would love to take me to the next level with our friendship, but they don’t offer me what I want. It’s interesting though, they are eager to chat with me regularly, but there are no flowers sent to me on my birthday, or knocks on the door with some chicken soup when I tell them that I’m sick. It just shows how superficial their interest is in me…
Is there a strange correlation to the men that I attract? Out of the seven men that I can think of who have either spoken to me in the past week or have shown interest in me over the past year or more, there are many who remind me of my ex-husband – struggling to be successful in their career, feeling like they deserve more in life, or putting the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable and disheartened with why the world isn’t doing right by them. It’s like they want me to rescue them from their own stupidity. Don’t get me wrong, they are nice enough guys in their own way, but there are some who are in their early 40s and living in a share house, one who complains about his wife not giving him sex (oh, so because I was involved with a married man ONCE, it gives them the right to think that I will do it again, or with ANY married man!) and one who thinks he’s God’s gift to women as he has an enormous cock (which I heard about from his flatmate) and wants to put it inside anything that’s female (again, something his flatmate told me about)…. but for some reason, he thinks I’m a great catch because I am the ultimate mother to my kids, so he’d love me to be a ‘mother’ to him!! Or maybe because I’m resisting him that I’m a challenge to his normal sexual reality.
And I guess that’s what it’s all about… men just want another ‘mother’ to look after them. And I don’t want that… I want someone who WANTS to look after me… in all aspects in life. Not necessarily financially, but at least be able to look after themselves financially and not bludge off me. I think it becomes so much harder to find someone when you have kids, because you aren’t just looking for you, you are looking for someone to be right for your kids. My 9 year old is constantly wondering out loud ‘I wonder who my step-father would be?’ And I just say to him back ‘Yes, I would like to know who he would be too!’ He desperately wants someone to be inspired by, look up to and proud to call ‘Dad’ but there really isn’t anyone who meets the mark…. yet.
I truly believe ‘time’ will give us the man we want in our lives… a man who is perfect in every way for me, and a man who my boys can look up to as a step-father. I’m in no rush, I have things for myself and my boys to do before someone can complicate our lives with their needs and time. One day, ‘quality’ will come from all the ‘quantity’ and we will find someone to love.