Posted by in Single Mum Life on September 10, 2012 0 comments

How uncomfortable is it when you are being intimate with someone and they ask you if you fantasise about them when you’re alone, and you don’t? Or even while you’re in the heat of the moment and you’re thinking of someone else to get you over the line? What do you say? Do you scream out someone else’s name?! Ha… wouldn’t that be a laugh!

I guess it depends on how ‘close’ you are to the person emotionally. I know my ex husband can thank the likes of Robbie Williams and Matthew McConnaughey for the last five years of our sexual intimacy as I imagined what it would be like to straddle their taut and muscular bodies, versus his pudgy squiggy torso. I know it is a complete turn off for many to know that their sexual partner is thinking of someone else, but sometimes you just need to to get your full sexual satisfaction, and make it a fabulous experience for both of you.

I watched a French documentary about the female orgasm a few years back, and I remember this 65 year old lady reminiscing about the first man she slept with after divorcing her husband of 25 years. She said it was the most erotic, intensely immeasurable pleasure she had ever experienced. She had this man once, but it was her ultimate orgasmic experience and nothing has ever come close. But she fantasises about that experience every time she masturbates, because that’s her nirvana.

And I know I’m the same… once you’ve had that unforgettable experience with someone who just connects with you in such an extraordinary way, that person, those feelings, that intensity is what helps you connect your mind with your body to achieve orgasmic pleasure. And you can never go back… It is possible to never have sex again with a partner if you know that you have the image of your ultimate satisfaction in your head and a top of the range vibrator to recreate that perfect moment.

As everything else truly disappoints you really don’t want to go back to someone who is selfish in their love making, doesn’t listen or respond to how your body reacts to certain touches or is too busy worrying about their own ejaculation to persist with your pleasure. You can understand why people like Diane Keaton seem extraordinarily happy with their celibacy if they are able to pleasure themselves via the fantasy of their most amazing sexual experience. They don’t need anyone in their lives to pleasure them, they can do it themselves.

Many men, think they have the power to create pleasure for women, but only a minute percentage of men do. It’s not your equipment… your big hard cock, large fingers or a darting tongue that is needed to pleasure a woman, it’s how you connect with our minds and respond to how our bodies take on your touch that gives us immense pleasure… You need to know the pleasure points, and you need to activate them.

Personally, I think it is human nature for people to be intimate and think of others… it’s emotional adultery without the consequences! But really, once you have the best lover you could possibly ever have, you can be sexually satisfied for the rest of your life with just you, your fantasies and a vibrating toy.