Orgasm is Your Right Not a Gift – Take Charge

Posted by in Sex, Uncategorized on May 5, 2016 0 comments

Whether you have just started dating, are married or recently divorced and single, being more sexually uninhibited and relaxed about your needs will give you the confidence to expect (demand) fabulous sex.Orgasm Image

Did you know that about 15-20% of women have never achieved orgasm?

Growing up in the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s you would have been led to believe (generally speaking) that women’s enjoyment of sex was mostly emotional.  To some extent it was I guess.  Girl loves boy, wants boy to love her, so has sex. But from most women’s recollection the boy wasn’t all that interested in your orgasm, only his own!  And we didn’t know how to ask for it. That was due to a lot of reasons:

  • Embarrassed
  • Didn’t know we could
  • Didn’t want to look like a slut
  • Didn’t want to tell him we weren’t enjoying it

Do you recall hearing guys saying things like “nice girls don’t enjoy sex like guys do”. So we were conditioned into believing that if we like sex we must be a slut and if we ask for more enjoyment we are by default, a slut.

And of course if you happen to enjoy sex right from the get go and are pretty good at it, you are probably just naturally gifted and/or confident. But guys don’t tend to believe that, they assume that you MUST have had sex with lots of guys to get that good.  Screw you! That’s an insult to say that the ONLY way a girl can be good at sex is because she was taught how to be by a guy.

So what did all those guys do?  They married the nice girl who wasn’t sexually experienced, and assumed that she wasn’t good at it because she hadn’t been taught (nice girls haven’t had previous partners). And guess what?  It backfired in a big way when they discovered that they now have a wife/partner that isn’t really into sex.  Now there’s a glut of 45+ divorced men that are looking for the girl they should have married in the first place – but that’s another story!

It’s Your Decision to Have Sex

You can’t turn it on like a switch.  Personally, I’ve always struggled with being business woman during the day, mum from 6-11, then hopping into bed exhausted and flipping the switch to sex kitten. You won’t be into it if you decide to be sexual because your partner is begging you.

Do the Research

Have you ever checked out your lady parts? If not, now is the time. How can you expect a guy to know where to find that sweet spot if you don’t know where it is or what it looks like (or feels like!) Take a mirror and see what’s there. Vagina’s come in all shapes and sizes and to be honest, guys don’t care what they look like when they are lucky enough to see one ‘in the flesh’ so to speak. The major parts are your outer lips, your inner lips and your clitoris. Once you are comfortable with and easily able to have a clitoral orgasm other types of orgasms will be easier to achieve (that’s in the advanced course).

Self-Pleasure Because You Deserve It

You’ve heard the expression “there’s only two types of guys, masturbators and liars”?  Well I suspect that’s true.  But the same does not go for girls. Lots of girls don’t masturbate. Have never masturbated. Will never masturbate. Why?  Who knows, it’s a mystery to me.  Perhaps it’s religious or raised by parents that drilled into them that it’s dirty (a lot of women had one of those mothers).

It’s a given that women who masturbate have more sexual confidence. A good place to start is to order a vibrator online and have it sent right to the house. You can get discreet vibrators that come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Or if you aren’t ready to get a vibrator, start with your fingers.

Practice masturbating a few times a week to start. You will begin developing an appetite for being sexual with better frequency if you are being sexual on a regular basis. You will also begin building sexual self-confidence as you learn how your body reacts and what feels good to you.  I recall as a new mother I was told “the more your baby sleeps, the more she’ll sleep”.  Same goes for sex.  The more you get the more you’ll want.  You just need to get over the hump (pardon the pun).

When you are confident enough, ask your partner if he would like to go toy shopping together. I bet the answer will be yes, and the rest will be history.

Finding Inspiration

If women watched porn as often as men do, they would have much high libidos. Of course guys watch so much of it when they are teenagers that it’s almost impossible to ‘feed the beast’.

Some women feel more comfortable adopting a persona (Role Play), and if that’s what it takes, great.  There are thousands of sites that can give you inspiration. A majority of women I spoke to don’t have time for long porn movies, luckily they plenty of eye-candy tantalisation on their Tumblr accounts that are short & sweet when in need of inspiration.

Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved

Finally, you and your partner are coming at it from different angles so you need to make sure you set the scene to give you what you need i.e. romance. Teach him that the more he gives, the more you will give. It’s a win/win.  Tell him to meet you in the bedroom. Have an intimate dinner prepared or a glass of wine first to have some connection to each other.

Great sex creates stronger relationships.  If you are both looking after each other sexually, you have much less chance of becoming one of those 45+ statistics.